The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
