a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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