i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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