I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dick very happy bro
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
