I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
