uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Every concussion has its silver lining
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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