She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
