He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
