I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
