Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
