My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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