I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My feet surprised me
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