sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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