he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
