I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
