What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
