the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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