where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You ruined the universe
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
