"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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