i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
