somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
