Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
