And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
