Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i love accidental penises.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
