I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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