It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
