there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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