we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
