I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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