apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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