my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
