I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
