my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
