so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
