I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
