I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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