It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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