Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
