he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
