I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
