well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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