how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
