I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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