Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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