my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
