Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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