I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
