two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
