I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
