I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
