never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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