hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she told me i tasted like america
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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